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25 September 2009 @ 10:52 pm
Today, I have received terrible news. My mother's chemotherapy isn't working, her cancer is spreading and the doctor suggests that she stop all treatment for her quality of life to improve during her final months. They say it could be a month or that it could be a year, either way I'm utterly heartbroken and sense this odd cloud hanging over myself and my family.

It's breast cancer... again. She was diagnosed for the first time in 2004 and had it beat, but by the time she had recovered from all the treatments, the doctors found a lump in the other breast a couple years later. We all thought that after there was no trace of the cancerous cells that this would all be just a black mark on our memory, but earlier this year the doctors discovered something. The breast cancer had spread to my mother's liver and they had missed it. This time had been especially hard on her, but we thought she'd pull through as always, but things have gone south.

I'm 18 years old, I don't know what I'll do without my mom... I love her with all my heart, but I don't want to see her suffer. It times of frustration, I often hoped that she would just pass on, just so she didn't have to be as miserable as she was, but now that it's a true possibility... I've been having a hard time controlling my tears.

Has anyone else reading this gone through something similar to my situation? If so, how were you able to cope?
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
07 September 2009 @ 12:16 am
Well, it's been awhile since I've last posted to this dang thing... What has happened? I'm 18 years old now and as is tradition in my family I was given cash instead of gifts. This allowed me to feed my obsession of Jeffrey Dahmer. Online I bought the book, "The Jeffrey Dahmer Story: An American Nightmare" by Don Davis. Although the book had a slight textbook feel to it, I was very satisfied with it as it kept my attention (I read the entire thing straight through in one night) and was very informative. I also ordered the dvd of the Discovery Channel's show "Most Evil" which features Dr. Michael Stone and his 22 levels of evil. That is my all-time favorite show and I very much enjoyed catching episodes that I hadn't seen in ages.

On a personal note.... I'm starting school at the end of the month, I'll be a part-time college student. As a result of this, I can no longer babysit my niece and nephew for my older sister. She can't afford daycare for a two year old and a six month old, so she is quitting her job and her family is moving in with my parents and myself. There will be a grand total of seven people living in a three bedroom, one bathroom ranch. I'm not looking forward to it... Don't get me wrong, I love my family to death, but there are times where my kindness is taken advantage of and I feel like shutting myself in a closet and breaking down.

There are times when I feel like I have to do everything around the house. I'm thankful that I have parents that are in no rush to have me leave the nest... My father has told me many times that I can stay at home as long as I'd like, that I'd always have a roof over my head and tampons under the bathroom sink.... For the past two years, while my mother has battled breast cancer for a third time I have done all of the grocery shopping (which entails loading and unloading them), all of the cooking, all of the dishes, all of my laundry, my mother's laundry and at times even my father's laundry. On top of those general responsibilities, I have my own personal ones, like keeping my room clean and cleaning my cat's litter box. There are times where I feel a little bitter, that I've been robbed of my adolescence.

I wouldn't change anything if I could go back though, because if I weren't around to take care of my family, then things would be so much more difficult than they are here and I can't bear to think about that.
Current Music: Kelly Clarkson
06 August 2009 @ 12:51 am
Nine days and I turn eighteen! Woo!
Nothing planned, but I'm thinking about getting a tattoo.
Any ideas?
Do any of you guys have tattoos?
If so, of what?
08 June 2009 @ 09:55 pm
I graduated a couple weeks ago and a couple days ago I went to my best friend's graduation. It was really hard getting through it because I had gone to that school up through my junior year and I was watching all of my friends from middle school walk across the stage without me. I'm happy for them and I'm glad that I had my own moment.

Congrats to any other grads that read this!
Current Music: Taylor Swift
17 May 2009 @ 08:25 pm
My mandatory schooling is coming to an end and I'm quite excited about it. Once I meet the educational requirements I can be shipped off to basic training and really get my life started. Woo hoo!
07 May 2009 @ 09:53 pm
I need to go see the new Star Trek film desperately, I'll most likely go see it this weekend. I may be slightly morbid, but I'm also a geek. My favorite has to be the original series (SPOCK!!!) followed closely by the next generation and my favorite film is number four The Voyage Home.

as a little something something extra the modified version of rock, paper, scissors known as ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, LIZARD, SPOCK.
scissors cuts paper
paper covers rock
rock crushes lizard
lizard poisons spock
spock smashes scissors
scissors decapitates lizard
lizard eats paper
paper disproves spock
spock vaporizes rock
and as it always has..... rock crushes scissors

Live long and prosper.
Current Mood: illogical
07 May 2009 @ 08:25 pm
I'm joining the army and it has been a slow process. I've already discovered the true meaning of the army's unofficial slogan HURRY UP AND WAIT and it's come with a price to my behind (their chairs suck... haha.). I've got all of my medical tests and examinations done, but now I am waiting for a waiver to go through because of my history of depression. I spoke with one of the army's psychiatrists and  he said that it should go through without a hitch.

I'm joining the reserves so I can come back home and go to nursing school. My goal is to earn a nursing degree and eventually be commissioned as a nurse corps officer. I'm from a large military family so making the military my career has always been appealing. For now I'm hoping to obtain the job of Operating Room Specialist or Motor Transport Operator, but with the military you just never know what you're going to get.

Oh well, it's only going to be for the reserves... as long as I'm in and receiving the educational benefits, I really don't care what job I get.
Current Music: Evanescence
06 May 2009 @ 11:18 pm

My name's Olivia and I'm 17 years old. I appear normal at first glance, a teenage girl wearing my brown hair in a tight bun along with blue jeans and a hoodie, but beneath the clothing I have the spirit of what some call goth (I wouldn't necessarily call it that). Watching horror films, reading/learning about serial killers and their shocking crimes are just a few of my hobbies. The mind of a serial killer fascinates me, how does the brain's chemistry differ to make a person want/able to commit such a shocking act?

I have a dark mind, a dark sense of humor, a dark taste in literature, films and music. This is me. Deal with it.

Current Music: Within Temptation